Not a good couple of months

If i have somehow misled you, dear reader into thinking that life as a single mom trying to make it in a new city and crafting out a new career is a bed of roses, I sincerely apologise. It's not. I try to keep it together as best as I know how but sometimes, life has other plans.

And when it rains? It pours. I have been seeing several people in the profession that I have chosen to focus on and they all have the same verdict : It's fine as a hobby, but don't count on making money from it. As you can tell, it's hardly encouraging hearing that from industry pioneers. Well, looks like I need to diversify and find other more profitable things to go into and soon. It is a real bummer, let me tell you. The lack of a successful career chips away at your self esteem, bit by bit. You may think that going into work day after day is mundane and boring, but try having days stretch out endlessly in front of you and knowing there's nothing in there. That's worse.

I just had a talk with boy's teacher after picking up his report card. His grades are great, but there is mention of the fact that he's naughty at school. He apparently picks on other kids and the teachers focus on him because of his grades are good (teacher's words, not mine). No doubt there's a lot that can be interpreted from there, but let's look at it this way. My son misbehaves in school. I need to stop it.

I swear, that's where the coaching comes in. Instead of telling him what I thought, I basically just asked him lots of questions and tried to understand what was going through his head. Ajahn Brahm had a talk on bringing up children and in it, he said, make your children know that they can tell you anything and not get punished. They can open up to you about everything they've done wrong and you just acknowledge that it's a mistake and you go on from there thinking of ways to fix it and prevent it the next time. I wonder how many parents can do that. Still, buddhism teachings are always there for you to aspire to, so any little bit towards that direction helps.

I am trying not to flip but to work through these issues methodically and sensibly. I will do it even if it's the last thing I do!!! (Gargamel inspired)

Winding the holidays down...

Holidays. The light of every child's life and the bane of their parents. The boy is finishing up a 3 week school break and to be honest with you, I can't wait for school to start!! It's been more challenging than other days. It's like if they have no structure that school and other activities provide, they go haywire. Default setting becomes argumentative, fault finding and generally, a pain in the butt.

Ahhh.... that's where grandparents come in. Since they love each other's company and the older ones are more prone to spoiling the younger ones, we shall just go with the flow. I brought boy back to Ipoh at the start of his holidays and he's had a ball. Ipoh.. the land where he runs around, cycles around the garden, goes out for food expeditions with the grandmother (they went to Tualang for prawns - I got shown the picture when they returned) and the odd catch up with his old Ipoh friends and cousins.

I did what I could to ferry him to daily swimming lessons and arranged for some Mandarin tuition for him.. but i think the days passed by in a blur of TV, storybooks and running around. Now that we are finally back home in KL.. it's the final countdown to school back on Monday. I'm just allowing ourselves to adapt back to routine next week. TV is still constantly on and the whining is still around sometimes, but we shall just take it easy and regain control of normal life by next week...

fingers crossed.

The frog

There is a Malay saying "katak dibawah tempurung" and also a Cantonese saying "cheang tei chi wa - frog at the bottom of the well". Both mean someone who has not been exposed to the world. The poor frog that only knows what is around it because that is the only thing it is familiar with. 

A : You know, I’ve changed my imported car into a local car. Since then, it’s sooo good! I can drive up and down and still remain low profile! No one recognizes me at all!! I can do whatever I want!! No one knows!

B : What is it that you are doing that you need to be so low profile???

The above conversation I had with a certain professional acquaintance I have from Ipoh prompted this post.

As I have mentioned before, I am born and bred in Ipoh. I have been living in Ipoh for a large part of my life, discounting stints in Australia and KL.

Ipoh is a great place to live in and bring children up. There is none of the hustle and bustle of the big city traits, the air and water is of much better quality in here and we’ve got such excellent local food at great prices in here. However, it does tend to breed a certain type of individual that are peculiar to small towns.

Anyway, back to Mr A. It blows me away to interact with someone like that. I am not able to get through to them with the huge ego getting in the way. After some sharing with a particular girlfriend, it seems like this kind of behaviour is normal for small towns. 

These people tend to think that their particular town is the center of the world. I am guessing that that’s normal since they have obviously chosen to reside in there. It is still odd behaviour they display. They work at the same job for years on end and probably end up very good at what they do. With the amount of free time on their hands, they become intensely political, backbiting and making life difficult for other people.

The good news? This behaviour is easily cured. Travel. Go out of your comfortable town or city and visit other places. See how other people live, realize that there are other bigger, more accomplished people out there. If nothing, at least it reduces your ego to the point other people can get through to you.

The more successful in life you are, the more modest you become. 

Homeward bound

Now that the boy's on a 3 week school break we are back in Ipoh for a while. Boy seems to enjoy just hanging around his grandparents and running around in their garden, immersing himself in the slowness that is Ipoh. Haha.. being the evil mom that I am I have arranged for daily swimming and Mandarin lessons for him. So much for a lazy vacation!

I had it all planned out with food we were going to pig out on, ranging from the hawker fare to spicy crabs and banana leaf rice (the best I've had so far). But life has other plans. As soon as we came back I ran around like a headless chicken stocking up on things, visiting the tailor, getting what I call housekeeping done. At the end of the second packed day, my body decided to protest.

I ended up alternating between shivering and feeling really warm. Smart little me decided to take a really hot bath while shivering. Boy... I lived to regret that. I got super hot below the neck. Yes.. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was radiating heat from my palms and the soles of my feet but my head didn't feel feverish at all.

Oh well, slept and slept after panadol and proceeded to just detox today with lots of water and lemon, honey and lemon and oats. Oats! That disgusting horse food! Well, when you're sick you're sick... I've also found this little gem to aid in the subsequent cooling down of the body.

This thing is foul. But I remember my grandmother steeping it in hot water and making me drink it when she deemed I was too heaty, so in the spirit of tradition since we are in Ipoh, I went out and got some. Have steeped it in hot water and downed it like a good girl. We shall report if it cures me!

Let's hope I recover fast enough to do the eating spree I was going to document here.

Alpha vs beta moms

Ever since Amy Chua came out with her book, Battle hymn of the tiger mother, there has been an emergence of press coverage on the practise. Self professed tiger moms came out and proudly proclaimed on magazines and newspapers on how they insist on regimented routines to push darling Watson or Marylynn onto the fast track route of life success.

That is what alpha parenting is all about. Hothousing your offspring to ensure success in life. Ensuring your child gets into the best schools, have the best tutors, take the extra curricular activities aimed to increase chances at a scholarship or entrance at the best schools or universities. Alpha parents look at their children as an extension of themselves. Other times, it could mean that parenting is my job, therefore the success of my kids means I am doing well in my job. 

What then does a successful offspring mean to you? A 6 figure paycheck? An ever increasingly important role at work? Press coverage? What else? All your hopes and aims affect your children. Check with any psychiatrist and mental health publications or at the very least, discipline masters in schools. Children nowadays are more stressed and are ill equipped to handle it. Disrespect, angst and depression if left unchecked have serious consequences and will only have a downward spiralling effect. On the other end of the scale, there are parents too busy earning money to buy the latest toy or to fund this year's vacation to actually parent. By being so busy and nary having time to be a family, what does this mean for the future generation? 

Previously, tiger parenting can practically be equated to Asian parenting. If you were Asian, you expect that from your parents. Academic success was a must have for them to bandy around with relatives and friends. Piano playing skills were de rigueur and additional languages and skills were a bonus. Parenting wasn't something that was prioritized during those times. Most parents were busy making money and we were pretty much left to our own devices.  But to be fair, life was relatively uncomplicated then compared to present day.

Fast forward to today where the information and opinion avalanche begins as soon as you confirm your pregnancy. Never has there been as much books, articles and opinions bandied about as to the best way to parent. From prenatal education to the multivitamins you had to swallow, everything was angled to give your bub the best chances at this world. 

I am not an alpha mom.

There are certain things I expect from my child. Once those are fulfilled, I'm good. Childhood is a time for them to enjoy themselves, be bored and invent games for themselves to play. I bring boy for extra tuition for certain subjects I refuse to teach. He is actually very independent in his studies, I must say. Once his grades are up to mark, I pretty much let him be. We allow ipad and tv time on weekends. Weekdays are filled with reading, drawing and writing. I love travelling as an education. I have been travelling with my boy since he was 4 months old. Exposing him to other places, cultures and food works to produce a well rounded person. 

My friends and I have varying opinions as to what constitutes the best practise. I firmly believe that parenting is very personal and you just need to find out what works for you. I have friends who believe in enrolling their child in every available class because he or she needs that push. There are also those that expect their hired help to be the parent when they are out working. Fine, that's great if that works for you and your child. I personally believe in being a beta mom. It removes the pressure  and you can enjoy the process of parenting. 

Brunch food

It's Sunday! Sunday brings along a host of feelings, mainly negative ones and intensifying as the day wears on with the dreaded Monday blues sometimes working overtime and checking in on Sunday nights too. Let's counter the shift with some positive influences. Brunch!

Weekends are mainly the point where most working people look forward to when they are allocated the much awaited sleep in and then hunt for a nice place to brunch at. Parents excepted of course. The driving around for tuitions and weekend activities usually precede the plans you have for the aforementioned joy.

 Let's see some of the notable brunches accumulated from here, there and everywhere. This is a ham and cheese croissant from a cafe in King Street, Perth. Super flaky pastry and fragrant grilled cheese makes this a light(ish) breakfast to have. This is boy's breakfast of choice whenever we are in western countries.

Unfortunately we haven't found anything decent in KL so far where this is concerned.

 Caffeine is a must have in the morning. Take your pick of lattes, cappuccinos, long blacks, flat whites or good old Kopi! I always believe in indulging where the drink is best known for, so when I'm in Ipoh, it's always hot KOPI, with less condensed milk. Ipoh has a particular brand of coffee beans roasted with white sugar, thus the specialty of white kopi you get in the coffeeshops there are unique to Ipoh. This picture however is more like what I drink these days because of my location now. Invested in a nespresso machine and I'm happy with my lattes and cappucinos at home.

 This breakfast brings back memories of sunday brunches when I was a child and my grandmother used to prepare this. I save it for a treat these days.  Crispy luncheon meat slices, baked beans with eggs and toast. There is usually a fried egg sunny side up as well. I must have been feeling lazy that day.

Breakfast of the champions!

This is my breakfast of choice when I am in Ipoh. Chu cheong fun with curry and deep fried turnip fritters (sar kot). This combination of crispy, spicy, salty and sweet hits the spot every single time. Horribly sinful though, I don't even want to think of the calories this plate of yum contains.

This is a favourite. A huge plate of char cheong meen you can get in almost any noodle shop in Hong Kong. Love the meat strips sauteed in bean sauce over the springy wanton noodles! A side of additional wantons in soup completes the meal. If i recall correctly this was from Mak's Noodles at Wellington St, HK.

"Corn fritters" served with crispy bacon and a side of salad. That looks like a pancake no matter how you slice it huh? I've been meaning to give that cafe a second chance, but haven't gotten around to it. It's a certain australian cafe that's in Bangsar. Packed to the rafters with customers, I did not find it particularly spectacular.

Eggs Benedict with smoked salmon. Again, the bread were supposed to be french toast but what came out obviously wasn't. The bread was thin and small. Maybe they are trying to cater to the appetites of the weight conscious, but I did not find this of good value at all. This was at a cafe near my place. Again, still need to give them another chance where food is concerned.

Lastly, a good local favourite that both boy and myself enjoy. Crispy, light, probably super unhealthy, but what the heck, you only live once. Tosai and roti canai, courtesy of your neighbourhood mamak shop! Bon appetito and have a great Sunday!

Life purpose

What are we doing here on earth? Is it simply a series of seemingly serendipitous events or is it totally random? Do we all eventually get to perform what we were meant to do? Or is everything a blank sheet of paper and we define what we want in our lives and go out there to get it? How much control do we have?

I have been talking to a number of people lately and a common theme that has cropped up is life purpose. What are we placed on this earth to do?

Religious ones have it easy because they already believe that they are put here to do god's bidding, or to reap the karmic seeds sown in the past. What about the rest?

There are a small number of people who grow up already knowing what they want to do, usually having experienced something profound in their youth. Most of these people would have very influential parents or familiar figures around to impact them with that much force. I believe this number represents only a minority of people. Majority of people fall into their life purpose much later in life, after trying out several paths that appeal to them.

So what then, do we do when we are sitting here, staring out into the bright stars in the sky wondering if we are on the right path? Try these.

a. Explore. Find time to talk to people from all walks of life and across industries to find out what appeals to you. There will be certain things that you will gravitate towards. Note what these are.

b. Review your skills and training, what you have been educated in so far. Education takes on many guises. Consider both formal and informal education. The summer you spent waiting tables on holiday may bring about skills in allocating workshifts to staff, handling customer complaints and how to serve customers or cashiering.

c. Work out a match of both interests and skills and match that to market demands. It doesn't matter how highly skilled you are and how passionate you are about a certain topic, if the market does not require your skills, it amounts to nothing. Or you may need to change your living environment.

d. Be constantly networking. Most great jobs never appear in the classifieds. To be a mover and shaker in your industry, you need to have your finger on the pulse. In order to spot the next trend and pioneer, you need to have wide ranging networks to bring to you information from all levels. So, if you are not already networking hard, start doing so.

These steps will help assist you in getting some clarity in what you want from life. There will eventually be a point whereby you will just know if it's right for you. Good luck getting there.