5 rules for a happier life

Life tends to go smoothly for most of us... but does it really? If you examine closely, everyone's got their complaints and "if only" moments.

I've come up with a 5 rules to remind myself how to live life with minimal angst

And here we go...

1. Define your family.
It's 2014, yo! Family does not only mean those that you share DNA with.
Define
who cares about you
who celebrates happy times with you
who spends time with you while you lie crumpled on your bathroom floor at 3am, totally broken
who you want in your life
who you would do all the above for
Conversely, those who share bloodlines but are toxic must be kept far far away for happiness to ensue.

2. Define your environment.
Your time is yours to decide. Besides those that you have sold off to some large corporation, do fill your environment with people and things that you love.
It can be
a place with a lifestyle that resonates with you
a picture, a set of furniture, some heirloom jewelry
a house with your family, your pets, your prized possessions
a neighbourhood you spent a happy, carefree childhood
a hobby. There is nothing more luxurious than to spend time on things just because you want to. They feed your soul

3. Pick a goal
What goal would make the most difference in your level of happiness one year down the line?
It can be
a new business
a self improvement plan - weight loss/weight gain/exercise programs/meditation sessions
a better way to communicate with colleagues/family members etc

4. Keep moving ahead
There will be days you will make great strides towards your goal. There will be days your progress will be imperceptibly slow. You could very well be down on all fours crawling on those days. There will also be days where you need to stop and reevaluate.
All that is fine. As long as you don't regress, just keep hacking at it!

5. Be Thankful
Let's
face it, things can ALWAYS be worst!

Cheers my lovelies.... <3

Self directed improvement in life

A large part of what we were taught in coaching classes is that CHANGE is never as powerful or lasting as when it is self directed. In this day and age whereby you can literally find evidence or some kooky study on why you should do this, that and everything because it is good for you, where does one start?

Our environment is liberally over-saturated with information. We are now able to be everything we can dream of. You can get formal or informal instruction on how to do or be anything you can conceive of. How do we then use coaching to help someone?

First and the hardest bit is realising that you can NOT help anyone who is not ready. You can lead the cow to the water but that Daisy isn't gonna drink it just because you want her to. The same concept applies to change in anyone's life.

We wait.

Life has a funny way of teaching you the same lessons over and over again until one day, bored and fed up of the groove you've dug in your life, you need change. That will be the right time to act. Not before.

Cruising, our way!

Check this out! Scenes like this are why I am attracted to cruising as a way of vacationing. Coupled with the fact that you only unpack and pack ONCE and get to travel to a selection of destinations, I'm sold!

So far, out of the 5 cruises we have taken, there's only been one disappointing one. I've learnt that cruises caters to different crowds and you better do your homework to find out that you are agreeable to their target audience before booking.

Cruising tips :

1. When you board, book or reconfirm your shore excursions and dining times. The last thing you need is to turn up for a nonexistent excursion or miss out on a booked and paid for tour.

2. Dress appropriately for your tour and weather. I have seen one brave (not very smart) girl on 5 inch platform heels tottering on cobblestone roads.. NOT a good idea!

3. The food onboard will be plentiful. It will be good ( if you're lucky). As such, treat mealtimes with respect. Dress up and dine. Enjoy your food and wine. AND desserts!

4. Skip the lift, take the stairs. Even if you do not wish to hit the gym, all the walking around a huge cruise ship helps burn the calories you consume onboard the cruise.

5. Make use of the library! Instead of lugging heavy paperbacks or an ipad, take the time to curl up in your balcony with a cup of hot tea and loose yourself in fiction.

6. Spend smart. Little expenditures add up, especially when no cash is involved. Bring your essential medications, toiletries and sunscreens instead of purchasing them on board. Have your coffees when you are ashore and get in a bit of the local culture thrown in for free!

7. Mingle. Seeing the same faces over and over again while on vacation makes it easy to bond. Exchanging pleasantries and stories will make for a pleasant time onboard even if you never see each other again after the cruise. (This is the norm rather than the exception)

8. Use the kid's club! Allow your children some time to mingle with other kids and yourself, some adult time to snooze or booze.

9. Lastly, enjoy yourself, you're on holiday! Live a little! That said, I will leave you with just some of the fantastic meals we had on board...

Shades of grey

No unfortunately this is not a post about SnM nor kinky sex. Rather, it's some thoughts on how as we grow and mature, black and white tends to morph into shades of grey.

When we were young, life was very simple. White is white and black is black. We see things in such absolutes because that was what we were taught. This is right, that is wrong. Don't question why, it just is. And being good little sheep that we were, those little nuggets were deeply ingrained in our subconsious. That simplifies life, makes things clear and everyone is happy. People can rely on their internal compass for "the right decision" and trust that they are doing the correct thing.

What happens then? When does the shift take place? Most of the time, when disaster strikes, we find ourselves examining our core values. We ask ourselves, we have done everything by the book. Why then, does catastrophe still strike? After one too many of such unexpected disasters, we either get jaded with life and reexamine our values, or we learn to accept the greyness of the world.

And as we mature, things lose their absoluteness. We learn to see the other perspective of the world. For example, when I was very young, I had arrogantly said that I would never be with someone who cheated on me! ... Fast forward to the first time I truly madly and deeply fell in love. Yes, I discovered he cheated on me, and we stayed together for another year after that. We didn't end up together, but I had managed to look past that and focussed on other things in order to maintain that relationship. Do i regret that? No. It was still a beautiful relationship we had despite all that, and I am appreciative I had that.

Good, bad, who knows? Is a saying of one of my favourite monks, Ajahn Brahm.  He tells a story of how this person that missed his flight was berating his taxi driver for being stupid, useless etc etc when he saw the plane burst into flames in front of his eyes. Yes, the flight he was supposed to be on at that very moment had the taxi driver not lost his way and made him late. Suddenly, it was "oh thank you very much, you're the best taxi driver ever! You've saved my life!!" 

Advance through RETREAT!

Being a buddhist all my life, I've always been interested in exploring the various themes and aspects of buddhism. I've read up on the suttas and theories, attended a good year of buddhist talks and sent boy to sunday school. What I've come to realise so far is when the going is good, we tend to not want to delve into spirituality. When times are hard, however, we seek solace in it.

I've been wanting to try a retreat in Perth at my favourite monk's monastery but have had no luck in booking one so far. So when I heard that he was scheduled to conduct a retreat in Genting this year I signed up for it without thinking much of what it would involve. Let's have a look and see what it involved.

My expectations

1. Meeting my favourite monk that gives funny talks

2. Beautiful meditations that will enable me to reach depths of jhanna ( mystical state of mind I've read about)

3. Some time alone to search my soul

4. Answer to some of my life's more pressing questions ( there would be couselling sessions where I'd pour out my life's grievances and problems and the monk will be able to give me the right answers- or at the very least validate my actions for me!)

5. A fabulous new experience ( I've never been to Genting before, and never attended a spiritual retreat before)


TA DA!! REALITY issss.....

1. Sitting still for hours feeling like a fraud trying to meditate - you find out you have the darnedest aches and pains in your back and neck

2. The accommodation is sparse. Well that was expected... but REALLY sparse.

3. There was a 1 to 1 interview 5 minute session. We were told to keep it short, simple and meditation practise related questions only! No personal issues, please!

4. Hourly blocks of meditation time for beginners are just hard. I found myself dreading meditation time

However... I did enjoy myself.

1. Being with a group of like minded people, even though I didn't know anyone when I went up, was really great! Everyone was friendly and didn't mind when you asked ridiculous questions about the practise.

2. The food was great! Not only because of the fact that it was vegan, but the realisation that we've been placing too much emphasis on the sourcing, preparing and the enjoyment of food. When it is seen as merely a sustenance tool, much importance is taken away from it.

3. What I went through was very normal for a beginner, as many of the experienced participants told me. My job is now to sustain a regular meditation routine back home after the retreat to see any real benefits

I am chuffed to have had my first retreat and will keep tabs on how it is affecting my life, post retreat.

Stay tuned.....

The skies are blue again!

As with the last couple of posts, things have been rather sticky readapting to many new again things in life. However, they passed. They always do. Our job is merely to hang in there, sometimes even by the skin of our teeth until it does, and maybe, just maybe, rainbows might emerge after the rain.

The young one is enjoying himself immensely in here. Ipoh is somewhat still a much better place to bring up kids as compared to the urban scene that is KL. Yes, there are a dearth of activities for both of us, but the rawness of the place somehow provides fertiliser for a healthier and happier kid. Accessibility to a swimming pool, badminton courts and a park to run in all within 5 mins drive makes it easier to add in such activities without needing to pull out the weather and traffic forecast PLUS waze to find out which roads to avoid... you KLites know what I'm talking about.

As for me? I'm adapting too. I've just had a birthday and you know how it goes, growing older. I was awfully touched by the present my little one gave me, a handmade card that thanked me for taking care of him. I'm so proud of my growing boy! Little moments like these make all the rest worthwhile.

This year I decided to shift the focus off myself and bring some joy to other people. Thus I sourced out some "homes" and proceeded to visit them. It's true what they say, when you lack empathy, just walk a while in someone elses' shoes. It's all very sobering observing those that are in need of support from society. We gain so much when we make the least bit of effort to contribute towards other people's wellbeing. It totally reframes your paradigm and you become thankful for what you have. I try to bring boy with me but I don't think he quite gets the meaning yet... However I'm going to try and come up with a more regular commitment towards a particular home and include him in the process. Here's hoping he gets something via osmosis...

je suis tres fatigue

If only the road ahead is always this straight and clear, life would be nice. However, look closely and note the existence of the dark clouds on the top right corner drawing a parallel to our lives. Every good thing in life is bound to be balanced by some crappy thing somewhere.

The buddhist answer to this is to take it all in stride, as it's all the same. Well, tell that to my hunched up shoulders and stiff neck! It's tiring constantly battling with the world, juggling multiple roles and responsibilities and trying to look good while doing it? I'm getting awfully tired.. je suis tres fatigue... I'm tired of everything, the load I'm carrying seems to be getting heavier  and heavier by the minute.

We were all taught that if we studied hard and worked even harder, eventually we'll have a 'model life', good spouse, good job, 2.5 kids, a sedan or a 4wd and a nice group of friends to drink and act silly with. What happened, I wonder? Have we all, as a generation been duped about what to expect in 'adulthood?' A number of my friends are under immense stresses right now, everything from domestic maid issues to in law problems, recalcitrant spouses, stubborn kids, you name it, seems like we've got it!

It's Monday I know and the first day of the week is usually cursed with a reluctant start. But when life starts hitting you from all angles sometimes it's all you can do to even breathe.

I'm feeling helpless now.. .. reminder... count blessings and manage expectations!!! I'm going to go back under my covers and stay there until it's safe to come out... let me know then, will ya?