Advance through RETREAT!

Being a buddhist all my life, I've always been interested in exploring the various themes and aspects of buddhism. I've read up on the suttas and theories, attended a good year of buddhist talks and sent boy to sunday school. What I've come to realise so far is when the going is good, we tend to not want to delve into spirituality. When times are hard, however, we seek solace in it.

I've been wanting to try a retreat in Perth at my favourite monk's monastery but have had no luck in booking one so far. So when I heard that he was scheduled to conduct a retreat in Genting this year I signed up for it without thinking much of what it would involve. Let's have a look and see what it involved.

My expectations

1. Meeting my favourite monk that gives funny talks

2. Beautiful meditations that will enable me to reach depths of jhanna ( mystical state of mind I've read about)

3. Some time alone to search my soul

4. Answer to some of my life's more pressing questions ( there would be couselling sessions where I'd pour out my life's grievances and problems and the monk will be able to give me the right answers- or at the very least validate my actions for me!)

5. A fabulous new experience ( I've never been to Genting before, and never attended a spiritual retreat before)


TA DA!! REALITY issss.....

1. Sitting still for hours feeling like a fraud trying to meditate - you find out you have the darnedest aches and pains in your back and neck

2. The accommodation is sparse. Well that was expected... but REALLY sparse.

3. There was a 1 to 1 interview 5 minute session. We were told to keep it short, simple and meditation practise related questions only! No personal issues, please!

4. Hourly blocks of meditation time for beginners are just hard. I found myself dreading meditation time

However... I did enjoy myself.

1. Being with a group of like minded people, even though I didn't know anyone when I went up, was really great! Everyone was friendly and didn't mind when you asked ridiculous questions about the practise.

2. The food was great! Not only because of the fact that it was vegan, but the realisation that we've been placing too much emphasis on the sourcing, preparing and the enjoyment of food. When it is seen as merely a sustenance tool, much importance is taken away from it.

3. What I went through was very normal for a beginner, as many of the experienced participants told me. My job is now to sustain a regular meditation routine back home after the retreat to see any real benefits

I am chuffed to have had my first retreat and will keep tabs on how it is affecting my life, post retreat.

Stay tuned.....

The skies are blue again!

As with the last couple of posts, things have been rather sticky readapting to many new again things in life. However, they passed. They always do. Our job is merely to hang in there, sometimes even by the skin of our teeth until it does, and maybe, just maybe, rainbows might emerge after the rain.

The young one is enjoying himself immensely in here. Ipoh is somewhat still a much better place to bring up kids as compared to the urban scene that is KL. Yes, there are a dearth of activities for both of us, but the rawness of the place somehow provides fertiliser for a healthier and happier kid. Accessibility to a swimming pool, badminton courts and a park to run in all within 5 mins drive makes it easier to add in such activities without needing to pull out the weather and traffic forecast PLUS waze to find out which roads to avoid... you KLites know what I'm talking about.

As for me? I'm adapting too. I've just had a birthday and you know how it goes, growing older. I was awfully touched by the present my little one gave me, a handmade card that thanked me for taking care of him. I'm so proud of my growing boy! Little moments like these make all the rest worthwhile.

This year I decided to shift the focus off myself and bring some joy to other people. Thus I sourced out some "homes" and proceeded to visit them. It's true what they say, when you lack empathy, just walk a while in someone elses' shoes. It's all very sobering observing those that are in need of support from society. We gain so much when we make the least bit of effort to contribute towards other people's wellbeing. It totally reframes your paradigm and you become thankful for what you have. I try to bring boy with me but I don't think he quite gets the meaning yet... However I'm going to try and come up with a more regular commitment towards a particular home and include him in the process. Here's hoping he gets something via osmosis...

je suis tres fatigue

If only the road ahead is always this straight and clear, life would be nice. However, look closely and note the existence of the dark clouds on the top right corner drawing a parallel to our lives. Every good thing in life is bound to be balanced by some crappy thing somewhere.

The buddhist answer to this is to take it all in stride, as it's all the same. Well, tell that to my hunched up shoulders and stiff neck! It's tiring constantly battling with the world, juggling multiple roles and responsibilities and trying to look good while doing it? I'm getting awfully tired.. je suis tres fatigue... I'm tired of everything, the load I'm carrying seems to be getting heavier  and heavier by the minute.

We were all taught that if we studied hard and worked even harder, eventually we'll have a 'model life', good spouse, good job, 2.5 kids, a sedan or a 4wd and a nice group of friends to drink and act silly with. What happened, I wonder? Have we all, as a generation been duped about what to expect in 'adulthood?' A number of my friends are under immense stresses right now, everything from domestic maid issues to in law problems, recalcitrant spouses, stubborn kids, you name it, seems like we've got it!

It's Monday I know and the first day of the week is usually cursed with a reluctant start. But when life starts hitting you from all angles sometimes it's all you can do to even breathe.

I'm feeling helpless now.. .. reminder... count blessings and manage expectations!!! I'm going to go back under my covers and stay there until it's safe to come out... let me know then, will ya?

a couple of old unwanted friends....

Going back to full time employment wasn't by any means an easy choice to make. Now that I am back working full time and boy is happily settled in his new old life, a couple of old friends called insomnia and stress are back.

It's been only a few weeks and I can see the negative signs on my physical self. Not working out daily means I don't get to sweat as much, stretch as much and the adrenaline and dopamine rushes are sorely missed. The perpetual stiffness in the neck and shoulders are back, the feet are more callused from wearing heels and the face is breaking out like a volcano.

Work is somewhat manageable, with the navigation of normal office politics and management of the bosses somewhat easier this time round. I still trust in my ability to lead a company despite various potholes to avoid.

I guess the honeymoon's over, it's time to adapt to these work stressors. First things first... Gym hunting! I've never been one to enjoy working out in the great outdoors so the search for an air conditioned gym has to start! Even though I have my home workout kit, there's nothing quite like having an instructor yell in your face to push you to your limits.

On the brighter side, life in a smaller city is a lot more relaxed, cost of living is about a fraction of what it used to be in KL, and I have resumed my cooking adventures in my lovely kitchen. Boy is at least getting fresh food prepared with love on a regular basis and we are all enjoying the company of our canine friends.

I'm cheating a bit and taking a break this long weekend to just hang out with my girlfriend in another city. It's going to be a good break. I can feel it.

Trying hard to regain equanimity....

xoxo

Parenting an almost adolescent now...

Parenting is a double edged sword.

As one of those people who was never interested in kids, parenting was a weird concept. Other people's kids were OK... but mainly because you could give them back. Then came my own.. and BAM! It's like fairy godmother decided to turn up and play a bad joke on you. It changes you irrevocably! Everything changes!

My little not so angel was great coming out - breaking of water right up to delivery took 2 hours, no pain relief. The pain was intense, but short lived, so everyone said I was very lucky.. etc etc.. yeah right. Little did I know that the birth was only the start of it. I had plans for the confinement period to be like a spa retreat, with massages every day and reading of books for the rest of the time while my angelic baby would sleep between feeds.

Reality? Not so. My little not so angel wanted feeding every 45 mins and I was so sleep deprived that by 6 months I was down to a size 6 (Never before, and never since). He was physically attached to me for a good part of 5 years. However, despite all that catering to a difficult baby, there were beautiful moments interspersed with all that pain...

Things have improved through the years. He's just had his 9th birthday last month. My baby is growing up!  He's almost logical now, with an evil wit to boot. He confidently entertains my friends with corny jokes during dinner parties. He's my partner in crime, my travel mate, my emotional pillar and the closest person in my life.

Things have changed. My sweet darling boy is now growing up and I can see it. He's more independent. No more kissing in public because it's NOT COOL. I need my phone to be kept alive so that I can keep in touch with my friends. Just tonight he told me, yes mom, I think I can sleep alone on my own now. I'm ready for it. Goodnight. Just check on me every now and then, ok?

Sure my darling boy...

Ipoh 2.0

It's funny, life...

When I moved to KL 14 months ago it was with all intents and purpose, a permanent move. We adapted to city life, enjoyed many of the delights it had to offer (mainly culinary) and met many people who touched my life.

So many things to learn... It was a tough first half of the year, but things really improved and I started enjoying my life tremendously towards the end of the year with trips and time spent with friends. However life is such whereby changes inevitably happen and I find myself back in Ipoh, lock stock and barrel with my son and maid.

We spent almost the entire Dec packing and moving. Our humble abode in Ipoh had to be touched up due to being abandoned for a year... lots of elbow grease and TLC brought it back to life. I can safely say it's now better than before...

Everything seems OK so far.. although I'm really tired from huge changes in every aspect of life.. We shall endeavour to enjoy life in here. It's interesting viewing old things with new eyes. There are things that I'm enjoying... the lack of jams in here. I swear, it takes you 5 mins to get to anywhere in town. Anywhere! However, Sunday drivers are here everyday, at 40kmph! Good local food is in every corner, and a hell lot cheaper than KL. Variety of food isn't here though, especially the international type. As I type, my Nespresso machine is still sitting dormant waiting for the milk frother to get back here so I can have my decent lattes!

Boy's enjoying himself tremendously, only the occasional whine about the lack of decent Japanese food  but school's started and I can tell he's glad to be with his old friends again.

Here's to a fantastic year in Ipoh...

Cheers

xoxo