5 rules for a happier life

Life tends to go smoothly for most of us... but does it really? If you examine closely, everyone's got their complaints and "if only" moments.

I've come up with a 5 rules to remind myself how to live life with minimal angst

And here we go...

1. Define your family.
It's 2014, yo! Family does not only mean those that you share DNA with.
Define
who cares about you
who celebrates happy times with you
who spends time with you while you lie crumpled on your bathroom floor at 3am, totally broken
who you want in your life
who you would do all the above for
Conversely, those who share bloodlines but are toxic must be kept far far away for happiness to ensue.

2. Define your environment.
Your time is yours to decide. Besides those that you have sold off to some large corporation, do fill your environment with people and things that you love.
It can be
a place with a lifestyle that resonates with you
a picture, a set of furniture, some heirloom jewelry
a house with your family, your pets, your prized possessions
a neighbourhood you spent a happy, carefree childhood
a hobby. There is nothing more luxurious than to spend time on things just because you want to. They feed your soul

3. Pick a goal
What goal would make the most difference in your level of happiness one year down the line?
It can be
a new business
a self improvement plan - weight loss/weight gain/exercise programs/meditation sessions
a better way to communicate with colleagues/family members etc

4. Keep moving ahead
There will be days you will make great strides towards your goal. There will be days your progress will be imperceptibly slow. You could very well be down on all fours crawling on those days. There will also be days where you need to stop and reevaluate.
All that is fine. As long as you don't regress, just keep hacking at it!

5. Be Thankful
Let's
face it, things can ALWAYS be worst!

Cheers my lovelies.... <3

Self directed improvement in life

A large part of what we were taught in coaching classes is that CHANGE is never as powerful or lasting as when it is self directed. In this day and age whereby you can literally find evidence or some kooky study on why you should do this, that and everything because it is good for you, where does one start?

Our environment is liberally over-saturated with information. We are now able to be everything we can dream of. You can get formal or informal instruction on how to do or be anything you can conceive of. How do we then use coaching to help someone?

First and the hardest bit is realising that you can NOT help anyone who is not ready. You can lead the cow to the water but that Daisy isn't gonna drink it just because you want her to. The same concept applies to change in anyone's life.

We wait.

Life has a funny way of teaching you the same lessons over and over again until one day, bored and fed up of the groove you've dug in your life, you need change. That will be the right time to act. Not before.

Cruising, our way!

Check this out! Scenes like this are why I am attracted to cruising as a way of vacationing. Coupled with the fact that you only unpack and pack ONCE and get to travel to a selection of destinations, I'm sold!

So far, out of the 5 cruises we have taken, there's only been one disappointing one. I've learnt that cruises caters to different crowds and you better do your homework to find out that you are agreeable to their target audience before booking.

Cruising tips :

1. When you board, book or reconfirm your shore excursions and dining times. The last thing you need is to turn up for a nonexistent excursion or miss out on a booked and paid for tour.

2. Dress appropriately for your tour and weather. I have seen one brave (not very smart) girl on 5 inch platform heels tottering on cobblestone roads.. NOT a good idea!

3. The food onboard will be plentiful. It will be good ( if you're lucky). As such, treat mealtimes with respect. Dress up and dine. Enjoy your food and wine. AND desserts!

4. Skip the lift, take the stairs. Even if you do not wish to hit the gym, all the walking around a huge cruise ship helps burn the calories you consume onboard the cruise.

5. Make use of the library! Instead of lugging heavy paperbacks or an ipad, take the time to curl up in your balcony with a cup of hot tea and loose yourself in fiction.

6. Spend smart. Little expenditures add up, especially when no cash is involved. Bring your essential medications, toiletries and sunscreens instead of purchasing them on board. Have your coffees when you are ashore and get in a bit of the local culture thrown in for free!

7. Mingle. Seeing the same faces over and over again while on vacation makes it easy to bond. Exchanging pleasantries and stories will make for a pleasant time onboard even if you never see each other again after the cruise. (This is the norm rather than the exception)

8. Use the kid's club! Allow your children some time to mingle with other kids and yourself, some adult time to snooze or booze.

9. Lastly, enjoy yourself, you're on holiday! Live a little! That said, I will leave you with just some of the fantastic meals we had on board...

Shades of grey

No unfortunately this is not a post about SnM nor kinky sex. Rather, it's some thoughts on how as we grow and mature, black and white tends to morph into shades of grey.

When we were young, life was very simple. White is white and black is black. We see things in such absolutes because that was what we were taught. This is right, that is wrong. Don't question why, it just is. And being good little sheep that we were, those little nuggets were deeply ingrained in our subconsious. That simplifies life, makes things clear and everyone is happy. People can rely on their internal compass for "the right decision" and trust that they are doing the correct thing.

What happens then? When does the shift take place? Most of the time, when disaster strikes, we find ourselves examining our core values. We ask ourselves, we have done everything by the book. Why then, does catastrophe still strike? After one too many of such unexpected disasters, we either get jaded with life and reexamine our values, or we learn to accept the greyness of the world.

And as we mature, things lose their absoluteness. We learn to see the other perspective of the world. For example, when I was very young, I had arrogantly said that I would never be with someone who cheated on me! ... Fast forward to the first time I truly madly and deeply fell in love. Yes, I discovered he cheated on me, and we stayed together for another year after that. We didn't end up together, but I had managed to look past that and focussed on other things in order to maintain that relationship. Do i regret that? No. It was still a beautiful relationship we had despite all that, and I am appreciative I had that.

Good, bad, who knows? Is a saying of one of my favourite monks, Ajahn Brahm.  He tells a story of how this person that missed his flight was berating his taxi driver for being stupid, useless etc etc when he saw the plane burst into flames in front of his eyes. Yes, the flight he was supposed to be on at that very moment had the taxi driver not lost his way and made him late. Suddenly, it was "oh thank you very much, you're the best taxi driver ever! You've saved my life!!" 

Advance through RETREAT!

Being a buddhist all my life, I've always been interested in exploring the various themes and aspects of buddhism. I've read up on the suttas and theories, attended a good year of buddhist talks and sent boy to sunday school. What I've come to realise so far is when the going is good, we tend to not want to delve into spirituality. When times are hard, however, we seek solace in it.

I've been wanting to try a retreat in Perth at my favourite monk's monastery but have had no luck in booking one so far. So when I heard that he was scheduled to conduct a retreat in Genting this year I signed up for it without thinking much of what it would involve. Let's have a look and see what it involved.

My expectations

1. Meeting my favourite monk that gives funny talks

2. Beautiful meditations that will enable me to reach depths of jhanna ( mystical state of mind I've read about)

3. Some time alone to search my soul

4. Answer to some of my life's more pressing questions ( there would be couselling sessions where I'd pour out my life's grievances and problems and the monk will be able to give me the right answers- or at the very least validate my actions for me!)

5. A fabulous new experience ( I've never been to Genting before, and never attended a spiritual retreat before)


TA DA!! REALITY issss.....

1. Sitting still for hours feeling like a fraud trying to meditate - you find out you have the darnedest aches and pains in your back and neck

2. The accommodation is sparse. Well that was expected... but REALLY sparse.

3. There was a 1 to 1 interview 5 minute session. We were told to keep it short, simple and meditation practise related questions only! No personal issues, please!

4. Hourly blocks of meditation time for beginners are just hard. I found myself dreading meditation time

However... I did enjoy myself.

1. Being with a group of like minded people, even though I didn't know anyone when I went up, was really great! Everyone was friendly and didn't mind when you asked ridiculous questions about the practise.

2. The food was great! Not only because of the fact that it was vegan, but the realisation that we've been placing too much emphasis on the sourcing, preparing and the enjoyment of food. When it is seen as merely a sustenance tool, much importance is taken away from it.

3. What I went through was very normal for a beginner, as many of the experienced participants told me. My job is now to sustain a regular meditation routine back home after the retreat to see any real benefits

I am chuffed to have had my first retreat and will keep tabs on how it is affecting my life, post retreat.

Stay tuned.....

The skies are blue again!

As with the last couple of posts, things have been rather sticky readapting to many new again things in life. However, they passed. They always do. Our job is merely to hang in there, sometimes even by the skin of our teeth until it does, and maybe, just maybe, rainbows might emerge after the rain.

The young one is enjoying himself immensely in here. Ipoh is somewhat still a much better place to bring up kids as compared to the urban scene that is KL. Yes, there are a dearth of activities for both of us, but the rawness of the place somehow provides fertiliser for a healthier and happier kid. Accessibility to a swimming pool, badminton courts and a park to run in all within 5 mins drive makes it easier to add in such activities without needing to pull out the weather and traffic forecast PLUS waze to find out which roads to avoid... you KLites know what I'm talking about.

As for me? I'm adapting too. I've just had a birthday and you know how it goes, growing older. I was awfully touched by the present my little one gave me, a handmade card that thanked me for taking care of him. I'm so proud of my growing boy! Little moments like these make all the rest worthwhile.

This year I decided to shift the focus off myself and bring some joy to other people. Thus I sourced out some "homes" and proceeded to visit them. It's true what they say, when you lack empathy, just walk a while in someone elses' shoes. It's all very sobering observing those that are in need of support from society. We gain so much when we make the least bit of effort to contribute towards other people's wellbeing. It totally reframes your paradigm and you become thankful for what you have. I try to bring boy with me but I don't think he quite gets the meaning yet... However I'm going to try and come up with a more regular commitment towards a particular home and include him in the process. Here's hoping he gets something via osmosis...

je suis tres fatigue

If only the road ahead is always this straight and clear, life would be nice. However, look closely and note the existence of the dark clouds on the top right corner drawing a parallel to our lives. Every good thing in life is bound to be balanced by some crappy thing somewhere.

The buddhist answer to this is to take it all in stride, as it's all the same. Well, tell that to my hunched up shoulders and stiff neck! It's tiring constantly battling with the world, juggling multiple roles and responsibilities and trying to look good while doing it? I'm getting awfully tired.. je suis tres fatigue... I'm tired of everything, the load I'm carrying seems to be getting heavier  and heavier by the minute.

We were all taught that if we studied hard and worked even harder, eventually we'll have a 'model life', good spouse, good job, 2.5 kids, a sedan or a 4wd and a nice group of friends to drink and act silly with. What happened, I wonder? Have we all, as a generation been duped about what to expect in 'adulthood?' A number of my friends are under immense stresses right now, everything from domestic maid issues to in law problems, recalcitrant spouses, stubborn kids, you name it, seems like we've got it!

It's Monday I know and the first day of the week is usually cursed with a reluctant start. But when life starts hitting you from all angles sometimes it's all you can do to even breathe.

I'm feeling helpless now.. .. reminder... count blessings and manage expectations!!! I'm going to go back under my covers and stay there until it's safe to come out... let me know then, will ya?

a couple of old unwanted friends....

Going back to full time employment wasn't by any means an easy choice to make. Now that I am back working full time and boy is happily settled in his new old life, a couple of old friends called insomnia and stress are back.

It's been only a few weeks and I can see the negative signs on my physical self. Not working out daily means I don't get to sweat as much, stretch as much and the adrenaline and dopamine rushes are sorely missed. The perpetual stiffness in the neck and shoulders are back, the feet are more callused from wearing heels and the face is breaking out like a volcano.

Work is somewhat manageable, with the navigation of normal office politics and management of the bosses somewhat easier this time round. I still trust in my ability to lead a company despite various potholes to avoid.

I guess the honeymoon's over, it's time to adapt to these work stressors. First things first... Gym hunting! I've never been one to enjoy working out in the great outdoors so the search for an air conditioned gym has to start! Even though I have my home workout kit, there's nothing quite like having an instructor yell in your face to push you to your limits.

On the brighter side, life in a smaller city is a lot more relaxed, cost of living is about a fraction of what it used to be in KL, and I have resumed my cooking adventures in my lovely kitchen. Boy is at least getting fresh food prepared with love on a regular basis and we are all enjoying the company of our canine friends.

I'm cheating a bit and taking a break this long weekend to just hang out with my girlfriend in another city. It's going to be a good break. I can feel it.

Trying hard to regain equanimity....

xoxo

Parenting an almost adolescent now...

Parenting is a double edged sword.

As one of those people who was never interested in kids, parenting was a weird concept. Other people's kids were OK... but mainly because you could give them back. Then came my own.. and BAM! It's like fairy godmother decided to turn up and play a bad joke on you. It changes you irrevocably! Everything changes!

My little not so angel was great coming out - breaking of water right up to delivery took 2 hours, no pain relief. The pain was intense, but short lived, so everyone said I was very lucky.. etc etc.. yeah right. Little did I know that the birth was only the start of it. I had plans for the confinement period to be like a spa retreat, with massages every day and reading of books for the rest of the time while my angelic baby would sleep between feeds.

Reality? Not so. My little not so angel wanted feeding every 45 mins and I was so sleep deprived that by 6 months I was down to a size 6 (Never before, and never since). He was physically attached to me for a good part of 5 years. However, despite all that catering to a difficult baby, there were beautiful moments interspersed with all that pain...

Things have improved through the years. He's just had his 9th birthday last month. My baby is growing up!  He's almost logical now, with an evil wit to boot. He confidently entertains my friends with corny jokes during dinner parties. He's my partner in crime, my travel mate, my emotional pillar and the closest person in my life.

Things have changed. My sweet darling boy is now growing up and I can see it. He's more independent. No more kissing in public because it's NOT COOL. I need my phone to be kept alive so that I can keep in touch with my friends. Just tonight he told me, yes mom, I think I can sleep alone on my own now. I'm ready for it. Goodnight. Just check on me every now and then, ok?

Sure my darling boy...

Ipoh 2.0

It's funny, life...

When I moved to KL 14 months ago it was with all intents and purpose, a permanent move. We adapted to city life, enjoyed many of the delights it had to offer (mainly culinary) and met many people who touched my life.

So many things to learn... It was a tough first half of the year, but things really improved and I started enjoying my life tremendously towards the end of the year with trips and time spent with friends. However life is such whereby changes inevitably happen and I find myself back in Ipoh, lock stock and barrel with my son and maid.

We spent almost the entire Dec packing and moving. Our humble abode in Ipoh had to be touched up due to being abandoned for a year... lots of elbow grease and TLC brought it back to life. I can safely say it's now better than before...

Everything seems OK so far.. although I'm really tired from huge changes in every aspect of life.. We shall endeavour to enjoy life in here. It's interesting viewing old things with new eyes. There are things that I'm enjoying... the lack of jams in here. I swear, it takes you 5 mins to get to anywhere in town. Anywhere! However, Sunday drivers are here everyday, at 40kmph! Good local food is in every corner, and a hell lot cheaper than KL. Variety of food isn't here though, especially the international type. As I type, my Nespresso machine is still sitting dormant waiting for the milk frother to get back here so I can have my decent lattes!

Boy's enjoying himself tremendously, only the occasional whine about the lack of decent Japanese food  but school's started and I can tell he's glad to be with his old friends again.

Here's to a fantastic year in Ipoh...

Cheers

xoxo

Blue blue skies.... and what we ate!

That's the beautiful blue skies I was referring to and Perth's skyline from King's Park. So many things have changed for the place I once called home for 5 years. Boy and I had a great trip back there and totally pigged out on great food and fantastic company.

Vietnamese food is super awesome in Australia because of the good quality of meat they get. I've tried vietnamese food in Vietnam itself... still prefer the ones in Australia. This is a Bun.. a vermicelli noodle bowl with grilled pork. Its a healthy meal with lots of shredded veggies. The magic lies in the small bowl on the right. The nuoc cham. That, when poured over it turns it into an awesome meal!

This one is  a beef ball horfun. The horfun is no less silky than the ones we get in Ipoh and the broth is just heavenly. It is served with a large plate of raw bean sprouts, basil leaves and lemon wedges. Super yummy. Boy almost finished this gigantic bowl for lunch.

A roast beef dinner my beautiful girlfriend cooked for us. The roast beef was prettily pink, done just right. Along with the crunchy veggies, we wolved it all down.

We went to Sandalford wineyards and had wine tasting! I'm not much of a wine drinker but I must say they do have some easy to drink wines. The lighter ones are like grape juice and cranberry juice. Prices were super reasonable compared to what we pay in Malaysia too.

The wineyard had big sprawling grounds and the kids had a great time running around, jumping up and down and generally having a ball of a time.

This was a version of eggs benedict for a breakfast in Fremantle.. rather blah. Didn't they know that eggs benny are meant to be served on toasted english muffins? Hrmmmm

Michele's Crepes!! This was an old favourite from my uni days. We went to queue for it and then discovered that it is now manned by asians. I later found out that the business was sold a few years ago... that explains the difference in quality.

Ordered a ham cheese mushroom crepe.. I took two bites and boy had half... we gave the remaining to my girlfriend's furkids. They seemed to like it.

And for the grand finale.... we had this fantastic Italian dinner at Garganos, Claremont.

Mozzarella cheese on tomatoes drizzled with olive oil

Beef Carpaccio with Parmesan Cheese

My favourite.. fresh spaghetti in a cheese sauce with shaved black truffles and mushrooms. To die for.

Half a portion of a t-bone steak. Humongous and nicely done.

My gf's fish.. which I wasn't able to even try.... was getting seriously full by now

Veggies!

The decadent desserts trolley

My choice.... profiteroles!

We also had Fig gelato and Strawberry gelato... indeed a sumptuous meal!! I asked to roll back home but my girlfriend wouldn't leave her car there....

The fabulous sunset on our flight home...... Thanks Perth, for leaving us beautiful memories and a few additional inches on the waistline!

Insomnia

Insomnia.. the prompter of blogposts.

What do you do when you and your 9 year old boy can't sleep? After a lot of travelling we are finally back at home today and we can't sleep. We have been trying since 9pm and just gave up.
Isn't it amazing to learn that insomnia is hereditary?

I've had insomnia for a couple of years now, have tried everything from proper sleeping tablets prescribed by a doctor to melatonin pills that leave me hungover the next day to a dose of cough mixture if I'm out of pills. I've taken to some herbal tea nowadays as insomnia doesn't strike as often this year.

One helpful thing I've gleaned from all the buddhist talks is to stop being angry and anxious when you can't sleep and just enjoy it. Let tomorrow go to hell. *shrug* Being anxious and angry isn't going to help you sleep any faster - It's just going to prolong your agony.

Just stay still, read, post some overdue blogposts, and cuddle your also insomniac son. Tomorrow will be a tough day, sure, but he'll live. I'll live too.

Sweet dreams, dear readers....

Home sweet home....

Sometimes, when you learn to appreciate different things in life, life becomes incredibly beautiful.

I've just returned from my trip to Indonesia, where everyone I've spoken to warned me about the horrendous traffic, the risky food and the dirty place. I'm happy to report that my experience with Jakarta was nothing but positive. To be fair, I was only there for 3 nights and today was a public holiday so traffic would have been much lighter, but it seemed no different than KL on a rainy friday arvo. Less angsty too.

First impressions... Very similar to Manila.. dusty, interesting CBD with lots of big buildings but majority of them had a 1970s feel to them with newer steel structures of hotels and malls interspersed within the city.

The people were really friendly. Everyone spoke to everyone, niceties like greetings and thank yous were bandied about... so unlike KL.

The food.. oh my god.... the food was amazing.. ( it warrants a post on its own with pictures) It was truly a food trip where every meal I sat around groaning and rubbing my overextended belly and swearing I couldn't fit in another morsel... until the next meal came around...

What I was amazed about was the hospitality shown to me by an old, dear friend. We had great times chatting over red wine, coffee, food or just in front of his tv catching up over the last 15 years.. his family have shown me what its like being a great host and I can't wait to reciprocate the favour when they come over to my country.

Thinking back, this year I've been travelling and have been the lucky recipient of many great hosts throughout the world. I feel really blessed to have friends like that all over the world, and can only aspire to be more like them when I have the chance to host them in return.

I've learnt that in the best trips....

1. It's not the plush hotel room, but the spare room in someone's house
2. It's not the best fine dining restaurant, but a meal where you are genuinely happy to share with the people around you.
3. It's the meeting up of old and new friends to connect and reconnect.
3. It's not whatever happens on the road, but the time you spend in each other's company in the car
4. It's not the expensive gift, but the homemade ones that really touches you
5. It's not the tens of pictures you take, but the ones that you keep in your heart that stays

* still blown away*

Jakarta here i come!

I'm flying off to Jakarta in a couple of hours time. It's the first time I've been to the city. In fact, everyone I've spoken to wonders why I'm voluntarily heading there.

Where's your spirit of adventure, people?

This time, it's going to be interesting as I have not done any research about the place. I will be catching up with a couple of very old friends I have not seen for a very long time and eat!

I love Indonesian food since I was introduced to it in Perth as a student. I want my chicken bakso mee.. my gado gado, grilled chicken, satays.. yummm.. I can't wait! This after a 9 day vegetarian detox will be like taking a trip on speed after a temple retreat.

Oh, boy is having fun with his cousins and grandparents in Ipoh while mommy is going to travel. I thought I'd enjoy the peace, but strangely enough I've been missing him. The apartment feels so empty.

Oh well, I'm going to enjoy these 3 days and will see boy again on Saturday!

Cheers peeps!! Let's see what Jakarta has in store!

Developing a rhino's hide

I have been into coaching professionally for about a year or so. It's not an easy career to set up in KL, where most people attach a stigma to needing help towards achieving their goals and to better themselves. What's wrong with me? I don't need no help...That seems to be the general feedback when we talk about coaching. However, that said, those open enough to give it a try are usually impressed with the results.

Recently, after attending a very inspiring conference on coaching I have decided to try my hand at using the coaching model to benefit parents. After all, if hard nosed corporates can benefit from it, why not parents?

I have been meeting up with people and trying the theory out, just to see if parents can see the benefits as clearly as the corporates can. I've been talking about this to many of my friends to see what they feel about it.

I have a friend who clearly told me that he doesn't think people will want to get advice from a divorcee and I have no authority to coach people on parenting. Besides going into the entire premise about what coaching is like, how we are process experts as compared to subject matter experts, how bloody insulting?!

I felt slapped.

Then I thought about it. Being single parents are kind of like wearing our scars on our faces. It's the first thing people see, and most people will attack us based on that. I examined my feelings of hurt and anger. I did not really mind if he thought my business plan will succeed or fail, I felt attacked based on my lifestyle choices. And really, what business is it of anyone's?

So my point today is take heart. Everyone has scars, some of us wear ours in front and some of us keep it buried deep. The key to it is to develop some smart alec answer to these insults and if you bother to, outline clearly to the person involved that what he or she said was not acceptable. It's interesting when you don't resort to yelling and shouting. I think the message comes across a lot clearer.

Also realise that what that person says reflects more on their thinking and perception than of you. So, be confident and know who you are. Never let people take that away from you. Be strong... like the rhino! Did you know that his tusk is only made up of hairs? So you can turn something fragile into something strong if you know what to do with it.

And today's post will end with an offer. If you are a parent looking to up your parenting game, let me know. I will be more than pleased to spend some time with you to prove the theory that coaching benefits parents too.

Drop me a line here or email me on fb... we will take it from there.

Cheers!

Satisfaction - a good pot of curry

I can't get no... satisfaction...

Wasn't that a popular song a long time ago?

Today I want to talk about Satisfaction. What does it take to satisfy you? Some people aim for an infinite amount of money, because enough is never enough.

Money allows you to consume more. We eat more, wear more, buy more cars, more houses, more of everything... simply because we can.

We are so obsessed with overconsumption these days fueled by advertisements, glossy magazines and just your run of the mill of wanting to keep up with the Joneses. Get off the treadmill people! It never works! Your consumption always increases with your income! It's never enough!

Today I am feeling buoyant, with the endorphins I have from a run in the morning. Well, more of a jog/walk than a run but I am still glad I did it! I'm now making chicken curry on a rainy afternoon for tonight's dinner.

Simple pleasures of life. My idea of a healthIER curry. Chuck in lots of vegetables. Potatoes, carrots, onions long beans and eggplants and finish off with some yoghurt. I tried it with coconut milk the last time and found it way too heavy.

Let's experiment and see how this goes. It turned out to my satisfaction, lucky me.

Come to think of it, a pot of curry is a lot like life, isn't it? It's delicious but you know overconsumption leads to high cholesterol and obesity. Too much of a good thing is baaaaad.

It's available everywhere in restaurants, roadside stalls but yet you can choose to make it at home. Immediate satisfaction vs slow cooking, healthier DIY style?

It's what you make of it. It's a great base for meals that you can have with bread, rice and noodles. As I am typing this I am having my curry with noodles and a poached egg. Curry is flexible, just like life. If it doesn't work on the first attempt, try and try again with different approaches until you get it just right for you. Don't give up!

So there you go peeps. Take life by the horns, accustom it to your needs like a curry by adding more vegies and changing the coconut milk to yoghurt but most importantly, do enjoy it.

That's really what life is all about. Curry on, baby!

The frail human spirit

When things are going well, we mistakenly believe we are invincible. We continue to push and push in the name of progress. We hear miraculous stories from everywhere and tell ourselves, if it can be done, why don't I do it? All it takes is a bit of reality check when you fall sick. I am not even talking about terminal illnesses. Just some fever and a bit of flu and your perspective changes instantly.

It's been so miserable lying on the sofa, not able to work out, feeling like a weakling. The world seems so cruel. Its like the level of fitness I've been working so hard on all year is slowly wasting away. Together with the compilation of a business plan that is taking longer than I would like is not helping matters or my mood.

However, like everything else, good or bad, it passes. I am slowly recovering and the business plan is looking more solid now. Circumstances happen that I can make a trip to test out some of the theories that I need to formulate for the business plan, so today I can start doing the logistics for it.

I think my point today is the hardest thing in life is not preventing falls. The hardest thing is having the energy and spirit to pick yourself up again. Having enough self confidence to tell yourself, that's fine. Even if progress has not been as fast as you would have liked it. It always starts from now on. You can pick up speed from today, from now. Keeping away from being 'disheartened' is the real challenge.

Some tips

1. Forgive yourself. You are only human and learning as you go along. Show some loving kindness to yourself.

2. Don't indulge in self bashing. Sounds like an oxymoron but we love to do that when things aren't going well. It's non productive and only seeps your self confidence. Admit it, we all do that sometimes, don't we?

3. Understand that comparing yourself with others is a futile exercise. There will always be people better off and people worst off than you. If you get caught up with the.. oh wow we all started off at the same place and now they are all doing so well and I'm .. well not so well .. it's the beginning of a downward spiral. You are given your particular perspective for a reason. So work with that.

4. Establish pillars in life. Mine is exercise, religion and enjoyment I get from parenting my child. Again, at any point in life, you can just stop and work from that point onwards. Your pillars will act as a crutch when you are particularly feeling low.

5. Lastly, allow yourself some joy in life, as that makes any struggle a lot more bearable.

Cheers!!

A food filled weekend

Insomnia has struck. The boy and I have just returned from a two night trip to Ipoh and whilst he is snoring in bed, I am here, looking at the clock and as alert as an owl.

We managed to cover quite a lot of good food in such a short trip. I was craving some good old popiah and was told by a reliable source that Gourmet Square in Ipoh Garden had some at night. The only good ones I knew were in Kong Heng and only available in the day. Drove to Gourmet Square in about 5 minutes.. (the beauty of Ipoh traffic) and the rain started.  By the time the goods were purchased, it was literally pouring cats and dogs. Still, the mark of a true Ipohite.. braving all kinds of weather for good food! To be honest, I still preferred Kong Heng's version, but it was satisfying enough for me that night.


Had my routine curry CCF the next morning after running around several wet markets to do groceries. I've never been inside Simee Market, but it looked fairly interesting. Perhaps one of these days I will venture in. We had this for lunch... We pretty much covered all the food groups with this.. chicken, fish, mutton, vegetarian... Was very yummy.

My tummy started rumbling again at about 5 and that set me off to search for more food... ended up in Ipoh Garden packing away Mee rebus from one of my favourite rojak stalls. Ok I shared it with my mom, but I still had half. Dinner was at Overseas Restaurant requested by the boy. I didn't enjoy dinner very much. The steamed minced pork was too porky for my liking. Can't they just go a bit heavier on the seasoning? *shrug*

This morning before we left Ipoh we managed to fit in some dry wanton noodles w excellent caramelised chunks of charsiew. Topped it off with a hot, flaky egg tart from Nam Heong and a good cuppa of hot ipoh kopi....

There you go... two days of pure gluttony... and at the rate tonight is going, gym does not look very likely tomorrow either..

Silver lining

And every so often, life gives us a break and reminds us how gratifying it is to be a parent. I've had one of the better nights with boy I haven't had for a long while. With the ending of school holidays and the starting of school, it's been a tad rocky.

Boy has in the last two days decided to learn how to cook. Nothing too fancy, just eggs. I was just wondering when the culinary bug would hit him and it has. I'm so proud to raise a budding gourmand. I'm still not allowed to watch him cook, but he does allow the helper to assist. Tonight he made scrambled eggs, pretty impressive ones too.

What I actually wanted to blog about tonight was when we watched an episode of Desperate Housewives where Lynette had separated from Tom and was having a hard time dealing with his new girlfriend. She was advised to play dirty and went on to influence her daughter against daddy's new girlfriend. I looked at Marcus and said, aren't you glad you are not subject to that? What really amazed me was what he picked up from that. He pointed out accurately the sly and snide facial expressions Lynette had when she was unduely influencing her daughter. I thought that was spot on and pretty cool. I mean, dealing with the fact that your ex has moved on with a new partner is never easy, and I can feel Lynette in here. Luckily she realises in the end that's not what she wanted to put her daughter through and came clean with her.

Boy also went on eventually to crack really adult insights and wound up the night by singing to me Josh Groban's song.. you raise me up... I was utterly shocked. Of course he did not mean that I had raised him up to great levels, more like don't complain about me, you raised me up to be like this.. See, this is what I love about him, he's got such a caustic wit.

Nights like these makes all the rest worthwhile... *content*

Insecurity

If there's one thing that marks us single parents, its insecurity. Society constantly tells us that we have already wronged our kids by allowing them to be in a single parent family... funny how they never say anything about kids in a dysfunctional marriage.

One of the things I would like to have would be another adult to bounce ideas and opinions off when I'm parenting. Because of my situation in that I separated when boy was very very young, it's not like I've had someone to bounce ideas off and then I lost him. It's all been a matter of picking it up as you go along. I've decided that will be my approach to parenting as well as other aspects of my life.

I doubt myself sometimes when I am parenting. But all that I need to fix that is to be in the company of a regular family and I'm instantly cured. I see that kids from ALL families act up. It's normal and different people have different approaches to making things work for them. That usually calms me down somewhat... and I regain confidence in my parenting.

That's really life isn't it? When you are not going down the beaten track in life, instead forging new paths and cutting down stray branches that get in your way, you really have to fly by the seat of your pants and go with your gut feel. As long as your inner compass and your priorities are in place, I'd say that whatever you decide would be just fine.

Here's to giving a break to yourself the next time you feel like flipping when things get tough. Have a breather and then come back recharged....

Remember, you need to fill your own cup before you can fill anyone else's.