Hating the ex

I used to have a lot of black thoughts, undisguised disgust and vitriolic filth when it comes to my ex. He was my achilles heel. He was the one that failed me, that failed our marriage and did not have the requisite parts of anatomy it took to make the marriage successful. He did not fulfil the promises he made to me at the start of our marriage when I had threatened to annul it. I was annoyed enough to try to avoid being in the same city as he is, not going to the places where he has a retail presence just to avoid spoiling my mood. 

I could not understand it when a few good friends of mine told me that I had a lot of baggage I needed to dispose of, in order to be free and move on. I was in denial, I looked at myself and thought, well I've done so much in these couple of years, achieved so much, What baggage are you talking about? I tried reflecting, I did. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out what they meant.

Now I do.

For as long as he was 'bogeyman' in my mind, I would never be free to walk on. And please, it's been near to 7 years now. He's obviously moved on with a new partner. It's about time I did too. And in order to get into the right frame of mind, skeletons have to be laid to rest first.

I finally had a chat with him last weekend about us having moved down here, and what to do with some outstanding admin stuff for the divorce. Surprisingly he took it very well so I was encouraged. You see, many times, we allow the bogeyman in our heads to grow and grow until he's insurmountable. I say, just keep a positive attitude and face it. It will work out. Even though it might not work out straightaway, as long as you keep on chipping at it, eventually it will go. Like stubborn stains and bleach...

Now, I look at him just as another human being who's made some mistakes. I recognise my contribution to the demise of the relationship and vow not to make the same mistakes the next time I am in a relationship. Now I am happy to live and let live. The waves have crested and the sea is now calm.

It's taken me almost 7 years to come to this point. How do other people just move on from one to another just like that?