an open letter to other parents

Dear other single parents,


How do you parent? Do you flit between being both mother and father? Are you at your wits end when society doesn't hesitate to tell you that you do not fit into their normal 2.5 kids, nuclear family setup that they try to propagate everywhere? Do you find yourself overcompensating by bending over backwards and allowing things you wouldn't usually because of naysayers and "well meaning"perpetrators who tell you that you need to give the poor kid a break because you know, he or she is from a broken family?

I say, enough with all that crap. Seriously. I'm aware that every single parent has their own story to tell, some more drastic than others. Moving on, how do we bridge that gaping wound that life has left on us to move on as functional, even fantastic parents?

First, ignore everything that "society" has to say. Who the hell came up with the 2.5 kids nuclear family setup anyway? I have known enough dysfunctional relationships and families to know that it may not necessarily be the best setup.

Be brave. Trailblaze. You were obviously brave enough or circumstances made it so that you exited that marriage or relationship knowing that anything would have been better than staying in. Take some of that courage and apply it to parenting. You are the parent. You define what is best for your child and you. Have confidence in that and know that they are getting the best they can from your setup. The last thing you need is any trace of self doubt because your kid and of course "society" zooms right into that and you're toast before you know it.

If you can, get help. Domestic or otherwise. It's not that you are unable or unskilled for domestic chores, but having that all done will clear your schedule enough to focus on what is important. Yourself and your child. Do some minimal stuff so that your child will learn to as well.

Have a system in your life. The sooner you set up structures, the sooner things can go smooth and you don't need to pull your hair out as often. Have routines and rhythms for afterschool, weekends, anything and EVERYTHING. I'm saying this because I'm really particular about organising things, but hey, try it. It works. And the best thing is? You don't become bogey - parent anymore. Everyone agreed to the structure, so just follow it. Anyone who's yelled at their kids to hurry the hell up for the umpteenth time while they are daydreaming away will relate to this.

Have fun. Like it or not, you are obviously stuck with the necessary stuff like doctors visits, school runs, tuitions, games, DISCIPLINING, etc etc. Don't end up the resentful, boring parent. Make it a point to enjoy outings, trips and just fun times with your kid. Yes, they are essential. They won't remember the thousands of times you drove them to tuition, but dancing in the rain, colouring with crayons and story telling they will. Make it a part of your family.

How do you parent? Share some thoughts.